I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
