Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
