tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
operation have a gay friend backfired
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
