DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
