I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
