so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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