Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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