My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
