I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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