just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
