He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
