dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
false alarm. still invincible.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I got inside last night via doggy door
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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