i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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