I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Randomize
