So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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