I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
