her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
