driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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