i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
