Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
i've created a new STD.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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