I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
