I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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