My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
