You work out of a Hotel?
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
