'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
