Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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