Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
