I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
