I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Holy sore nipples Batman
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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