alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
