I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
