Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
