clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
