I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Banned from zoo.
Again?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
