he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
