I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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