What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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