zippers are such a cool invention
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
