He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
