Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
She announced her abortion via fbk
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
