I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I need to wash the frat house off of me
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
