Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
