can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
