I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
