He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
