Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
