I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
