She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
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