She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
