He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
