i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
