I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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