You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
