i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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