he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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