So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
